Her brief supervised outings and chaperoned dates quickly turned into twice a day solo forays that got longer and longer. At first she would come in wiped out, eat (or skip eating), drop into her banana box and sleep for hours. You could see her building strength though, and she could stay out longer and longer before wanting to come in.
She was more of a solo chicken at first, as the other chickens still lived in the greenhouse and gravitated towards their food dishes over there, while she stayed very near the house. Jumping up on the sawhorse was kind of impressive for one good leg.
Then Cheeks started to make the walk over to the greenhouse! She chose a rooster (Chris is the lucky guy).
And then…she started to stay outside mostly all morning, and all afternoon. Back in to drop an egg, or eat, and then, she would announce she was ready to go back outside by yelling. In the morning as soon as she saw the other chickens through the window, cue earsplitting yellllling! with a prelude of whining.
That would earn her a prompt toss out the door for the morning (at 42 sec).
When she was in, she made it plain room temperature was too hot for her now too, by doing airplane impressions. She’d acclimated to the cooler outdoors.I’m hot. Should I start yelling or am I making myself clear?
All in all, she progressively spent less and less time as a coddled house chicken, and started her transition back to normal chicken. I’m so proud!
I plan to lie in the sun in the woods until I feel like getting up. Sleep, stare, read, lie like a starfish looking up at the branches. This is the view that’s fixed me before. Though maybe it’s not the view that heals, but the act of lying with your head at the roots of a tree. I’ve spent some time doing that, every minute well spent.
Today I was holding a book over my face against a blazing sun when I noticed teensy pearls of light spiralling lazily down on me, less than half a dozen landing and evaporating instantly on my skin with a soft pinch. They were bright like diamonds, only weightless, drifting slowly down like snowflakes out of a clear bright sky with barely a hint of white cotton candy in it. It was the most amazing thing, and made no sense. I’m not even sure it wasn’t snow, although the sun was so hot. Ice crystals? How could they possibly survive to the surface? It lasted less than a minute, and was over. And I thought, what else can you miss when you’re not lying in the woods?
I’m falling into a comfortable hole of nothingness and emptiness. I’ve been increasingly folding myself into a cocoon, craving more sleep, and choosing to do less and less. I’ve been pushing all choices away from me as contemplating choice gives me heaves of anxiety, and I don’t trust myself to make them wisely, either. I’m grateful for the luxury to take this break, to ignore time for the moment. Also to recede and let myself do only what I feel capable of. I’ve been spending lots of time with the kids, on kid routine. Continue reading Nothingness and emptiness→